Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ladies don't puke and tell
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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