I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize