She is in my trunk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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