I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
