I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
