Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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