apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
