Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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