One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
