And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
