It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
