She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
