Porn is love you can see.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
