Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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