I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
