She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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