girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
