You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
