Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
