I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
