You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
