I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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