I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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