Ambien. No doubt about it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She needs sedatives and a leash
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
