I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
