I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize