I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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