wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
