It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sarcasm needs its own font
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
