I must be too annoying 4 u.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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