I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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