I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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