Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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