put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
