I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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