I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
