Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
