No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
