Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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