We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
