dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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