East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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