I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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