I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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