you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
