When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
