Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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