We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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