NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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