Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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