We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
