I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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