I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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