I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
