if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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