found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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