Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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