My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
