can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
