When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize