I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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