What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
