I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
