My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
