I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
