Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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