is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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