I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
