I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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