i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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