It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
