whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
