I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
