shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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