Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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