we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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