I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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