bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
