i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
