i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
