Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
