i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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